HELP!
Let me give you some advice.
Did you cringe just then? I can’t blame you. A lot of the time, when we get advice, it isn’t something we asked for or particularly wanted. And even when we do ask for it, we often find that it doesn’t fit our needs.
There’s another problem, though. When we ask for advice, sometimes what we're really needing is reassurance. Other times, we need tangible assistance. As bad as people are at giving advice, we’re just as bad at asking for it and accepting it.
To ask for advice is to admit that you don’t know. To ask for help is to admit that you can’t do it by yourself. To ask for reassurance is to admit that you’re feeling anxious or afraid. None of that is easy, but all of it is, at least sometimes, necessary. Unless we plan on going through life alone, we’re going to need to ask for help at some point. It’s worth figuring out how to do it well.
Here are some tips for asking for what you need and actually getting it:
Know what you’re after. Do you truly want advice, and are you willing to consider ideas that run counter to your thinking? Or do you just need reassurance and moral support? Or do you need someone to roll up their sleeves and actually help you? The clearer you are, the better your chances of not being disappointed.
Choose the right person. Some people love you, but have their own agenda. Some people are smart, but they don’t listen well. Some people offer lots of advice but don’t back it up with knowledge or experience. Some people offer help, but there are always strings attached. Find someone who genuinely cares about you, is willing to take the time to understand what you need, and is smart or experienced enough to give you what you ask for.
Just ask. The worst that can happen is someone will say no, and that’s materially the same result as if you never asked at all. To help someone we love usually feels like a blessing to both giver and receiver, and it brings them closer in the end. Yes, some people ask for too much, too often, and offer little in return, but that’s rare. For most of us, the opposite is true: we don’t ask for help nearly enough.
You get to decide what kind of help you’ll accept. Receive it in the spirit it was given, then do with it what you will.
So there--that’s my unsolicited advice. That wasn’t so bad, was it?
