On Axis

I’ve been a beginning tango dancer for years. One of the things that makes me a perennial beginner is that I have a very hard time staying on axis. In tango, that means staying balanced, upright, and vertical as you move around the dance floor. 

I consider myself reasonably well-coordinated. I was a high school athlete. I’ve tried other kinds of dance, including some partner dancing, and I’m not terrible at those. When you start dancing tango, the only thing they really want you to do is walk. How hard could it be? To this day, it’s not unusual for me to be tango walking with my partner and feel myself on the verge of actually falling down.

The problem is that Argentine tango requires the closest of close embrace--to the point where you and your partner are virtually velcroed together at the sternum. At the same time, it’s an improvised dance, so neither of you knows what the other is going to do. While you’re trying to keep your balance and stay on axis, your partner is trying to do the same, and the two of you are moving around the floor together in a completely unrehearsed sequence of steps. The moment you feel yourself losing your axis, you start to push or pull your partner off axis as well, and from there you’re just one short misstep away from a pile of limbs and dance shoes on a parquet floor.

The temptation, when you feel yourself or your partner getting wobbly, is to react, and you usually do that in one of two ways. You might bail out on them and disconnect, so you can save yourself. Alternatively, you might cling harder to them and risk pulling them down with you. 

The third option, and the one that works best, is to find your own axis. This accomplishes two things. First, it establishes at least one stable pillar that can serve as a foundation for both of you. But what it also does is allow you to pay attention to your partner, and give them space, time and support to establish their axis as well.

So why the extended dance lesson from an inept beginner? Metaphor, of course! Tango is life. When we lose track of our own axis, we’re too easily thrown off balance by others. We react to them, either pushing them away or clinging onto them in ways that feel precarious for everyone. But when we have a firm, balanced core, we no longer react to others by protecting ourselves. Suddenly, we’re present for them in a way that allows them to find their balance as well. When that happens, we aren’t falling anymore, we’re dancing. 

Brené Brown has a little mantra that she says to herself when she’s feeling off balance: “Don’t shrink. Don’t puff up. Stand your sacred ground.” Or in tango terms: “Don’t push. Don’t pull. Find your axis, and let them find theirs.” Maybe she’s a dancer.