One Love

When people parody “therapy speak,” they often mock the idea that people should learn to love themselves first. Taken out of context, this can sound like a whole lot of self-absorbed, self-indulgent bullshit. But like so many tired platitudes, there’s a core of truth there.

It’s amazing how often people who long for love find a way to reject it when it’s offered. There are always supposed reasons. The love came with strings attached. It wasn’t sincere. It wasn’t delivered in a way they can receive it. They see love, not as a gift, but as a Trojan horse, ready to deceive and betray them if they open the gates--to slit their throats in the night when they let down our guard.

Deep down, the most common reason for people to reject or sabotage love is that they don’t trust it, and the reason they don’t trust it is they don’t believe they deserve it. This is the dirty little secret that lurks deep inside our bruised, battered little hearts. Something or someone in our past planted a little shame seed there, and it can grow into a nagging, unconscious suspicion that we don’t really deserve to be loved. 

To love ourselves, in the best sense, isn’t selfish or self-indulgent. It’s simply to grant ourselves that which we would grant our family and our friends: acceptance, patience, understanding, and yes, love. Not because we’re more deserving than anyone else, but because we are no less so.