Resolution Confusion
Here we are, just a few days into the New Year, and already a bunch of 2023 resolutions are beginning to look a little wobbly. We made them with the best of intentions. During the glow of the holidays, they seemed like such laudable, and maybe even reachable, goals. But now, in the harsh light of our extended holiday hangovers, they don’t look so bright and shiny anymore. That’s because that’s all they were--goals. Chances are, they were never actually plans.
If you want to know the difference between a goal and a plan, consider Twitter. Elon Musk appeared to have a goal: buy Twitter, be disruptive, create a platform for global “free speech.” According to a friend of mine who works there, what followed was absolute chaos. Gen Z managers from SpaceX and Tesla, with no experience in telecommunications or social media, roaming the building and interrogating workers. Sudden massive firings, done without notification or even conversation, followed by convulsive attempts to hire back crucial employees. Rents not paid and severance deals not honored. New policies, written on the fly, launched in a hurry without preparation or vetting, then quickly rescinded. Employees dismissed and users banned for…ahem…speaking out.
Disruption? Check! Global free speech? Not so much.
If we want to succeed at changing our lives, it’s not enough to have a lofty goal. We need to vet that goal to make sure it really fits, and then we have to map out a plan to actually get there. That’s a long, journey with many twists and turns, but here are a few questions that can help you reach the right destination.
How does this goal help the current you become the person you want to be? Whether your goal is big or small, we’re talking about transformation. It’s going to take a change in behavior, and each time you make that change, you’ll be voting for a particular future version of yourself. Is that version better aligned with your values? Are they more engaged and excited about life? Are they more effective and impactful in the world? Choose a goal that’s a tangible step in your long term growth, rather than a quick fix.
What does success look like? Set a goal that’s small and attainable, but something you can build on. They say the heaviest lift at the gym is the front door. Start out by establishing the habit (“I’m the kind of person who goes for a walk everyday.”) before you try to optimize it (“I’m going to hike the entire Appalachian Trail.”).
What obstacles might stand in your way? Does your plan involve getting up at five in the morning to drive to the gym? Does it require you to eat a lot of vegan dishes you have no idea how to cook? Does it mean ignoring or de-prioritizing other responsibilities in your life? What will it cost, not just in money, but in energy, bandwidth and time? Make a realistic assessment of the factors that will make this hard, and come up with a plan for how to manage or moderate each of them.
Who can help you? We are social animals. Our connections to others can provide a huge boost in our interest, motivation and resolve. What friends, family, communities or professionals could provide you with the knowledge and support to establish new habits and enjoy them? Do you need a walking buddy? An art class? A writing coach? A basketball rec league? Do you have a friend you can share goals with, and agree to help each other stay accountable? Can you talk to people who have done this successfully, so you don’t have to reinvent the wheel? Sometimes we keep our resolutions to ourselves as a hedge against the shame of not reaching them. That’s the equivalent of planning to fail.
It’s not too late--2023 has barely begun. We deserve the best life we can build, and that’s going to require some remodeling. But instead of just grabbing some lumber and nailing things together, maybe we should come up with a blueprint, and a punch list, and even a crew. After all, by the end of the year, this is the life we’ll be living in, whether it’s a mansion or a pile of rubble. We can’t build a proper home without a plan.
