The Empty Boat

There’s a parable told by the 4th Century BC philosopher Chuang Tzu that goes something like this.

Imagine you’re crossing a river in a boat, and another empty boat emerges from the thick fog and rams into you. At first you will be startled, and then you will be curious. Where did this boat come from? Why did it run into you? How might you avoid another collision in the future?

Now imagine that the boat has a person in it. At first you will be startled, then you will be angry. You’ll probably yell at them to watch where they’re going. You’ll seethe at their stupidity and incompetence, and demand that they pay for the damage they’ve caused.

When I read this parable, my first thought was that, in both cases, the damage to me and my boat are the same. The only difference is that the presence of another person gives me a focus for my anger. I saw it as a reminder that so much of the upset and aggravation we feel in life is self-inflicted, and disconnected from whatever actual harm we may have suffered.

Chuang Tzu, however, follows the story with a deeper, more subtle message.

If you can empty your own boat

Crossing the river of the world,

No one will oppose you,

No one will seek to harm you.

When the people in our lives are angry or upset at us, it’s easy to respond with defensiveness, but that only reinforces the armor around our embattled selves and makes matters worse. The centering of our selves in our view of the world just gives others something to resent and oppose. But if we can set our egos aside, and stop moving through the world as if it revolves around us, we can remove ourselves from the boat. We’ll still collide with others, and we should still take responsibility for the damage we cause, but our path will be less difficult for us and for those we love.