The Art of Feedback
I read an article once where someone described the first time they saw Jimi Hendrix playing live, in concert. There was a moment when Jimi walked up to one of the giant amplifiers on the stage and played right into it, until it started to screech with feedback. But rather than back away, like everyone expected him to, he started moving in and out, modulating the noise and using it as part of his solo. He turned something noxious and unpleasant into art.
Most people enjoy work feedback about as much as they do speaker feedback. No one likes to receive it, and no one likes to give it. But if you tweak it, and play with it a little, you can transform it into something that’s not just tolerable, but kind of beautiful.
Ideally, feedback would be a normal, regular part of work culture, and both positive and negative feedback would be expected and welcomed by everyone. Unfortunately, it’s not an ideal world. We should try to build that kind of culture over time, but most workplaces are a long way away from there, and we have to start where we are. For now, let’s focus on difficult feedback, and how to make it less painful.
The first thing we need to do is separate feedback from correction. Feedback is a coaching tool that helps people grow and improve. Correction is a way to stop unacceptable behavior. Some situations call for both, but it’s hard to do them simultaneously. Whenever possible, separate the two, and know which one you’re employing, and when.
It’s important that everyone approaches feedback with a growth mindset. If you don’t think people are capable of learning and changing, why bother? There’s copious research to show that a belief in long term improvement is a key factor in adult learning. Do everything you can to frame feedback as an opportunity to get better over time, not a demand for instant results.
As with many things, timing is important. It’s hard for people to hear you when emotions are running high, or when they’re exhausted. Choose a moment when they can be reasonably calm and receptive, and find a location that’s private enough for them to speak freely. It’s important, however, that you don’t wait too long--feedback is most effective if it’s clearly connected to the behavior in question. If necessary, schedule the conversation for later, but communicate the behavior you want to discuss soon after it occurs. This also gives you time to gather whatever information you need to make sure you understand the situation.
When it’s time for the actual conversation, I have a short checklist of things to remember. This helps me remember that the framing and approach I use will be just as important as the content of the conversation. Here’s the list:
Caring. It always surprises me how many leaders consider caring to be a “nice to have,” rather than a “must have.” If you don’t genuinely care about someone, they can always tell, and they’ll never trust that you have their best interests at heart. Why would they? When you sit down with someone, find some empathy. Don’t just say that you want to help them--mean it.
Emotion. Human behavior is largely driven by emotion. We have rational motives too, but often we just paste them on after the fact. If you fail to deal with the emotion in a situation, you’re swimming against a very strong current. Acknowledge the emotions in the room--both yours and theirs. If you’re not sure what they’re feeling, ask. And if either one of you starts to flood with emotion, and the conversation is veering off course, take a time out. Don’t keep digging the hole you’re standing in.
Curiosity. Start every feedback session with questions. Assume from the start that the person in front of you has thoughts, feelings, narratives and facts that you don’t know yet. Good coaching isn’t about giving people answers--it’s about helping them find the right answer for themselves. You do that with questions.
Intentions. Always assume that the other person has good intentions. It’s not true 100% of the time, but if they don’t, then coaching isn’t the answer. Usually, people are just trying to get their needs met, and those needs tend to be the same ones for everyone. Of course, some people aren’t very skillful at getting what they need. That’s where you come in.
Collaboration. Too often, leaders dump their feedback into someone’s lap like it’s a load of dirty laundry. “Here, this is yours--go clean it up.” Putting someone on the defensive might make you feel powerful and assertive, but it’s not going to do much to solve the problem. Instead, try sitting beside them (literally, if possible) and putting the feedback on the table in front of both of you, like a puzzle you can solve together. “What do we think is going on here?” “Can we agree on what we want to improve?” “What’s a plan we can try?”
Learning. It’s important that everyone approaches feedback with a growth mindset. If you don’t think people are capable of learning and changing, why bother? There’s copious research to show that a belief in long term improvement is a key factor in adult learning. Do everything you can to frame feedback as an opportunity to get better over time, not a demand for instant results.
None of this is easy. Giving feedback skillfully is a daunting task--and we haven’t even touched on receiving feedback. Like everything else, it takes practice. None of us should expect to be Jimi Hendrix on our first gig, or even our twentieth. Growth mindset.
