The Joy of Not Knowing

I grew up as an insufferable know-it-all. As a pudgy, awkward, insecure kid, my only strategy for salvaging any shred of self-confidence was to try to know everything. And if there was something I didn’t know, my reflexive response was to pretend that I did.

Eventually, I managed to leverage these tendencies into a successful path through the gauntlet of medical education. It turns out that whole system was built for people like me. The rest is history.

Like so many physicians, and especially physician leaders, I spent many years living in mortal fear of admitting what I didn’t know. Gradually, and imperfectly, I’ve worked hard to overcome that fear, but it hasn’t been easy. What finally pointed me in the right direction was the realization that knowing it all wasn’t my job. My job was being curious.

Knowing it all is a losing strategy as a leader. First of all, it’s impossible. Then, when you try to pretend you know it all, you look like an idiot, and you lose people’s trust. And finally, the whole doomed approach makes you miss out on a bunch of really valuable stuff.

Not knowing, and feeling comfortable with not knowing, opens the door to humility, vulnerability, and trust. It tells others that you’re secure enough to admit fallibility, and that you won’t judge them for admitting the same. It lets you occupy a world in which learning is more important than your ego and your pride. 

We fear not knowing because we think it betrays weakness and ignorance. Actually, the opposite is true. Openly not knowing is a sign of strength, and the first step to understanding the many things we still don’t know.