Turning Points
“All the world’s a stage,
And all the men and women merely players;
They have their exits and their entrances;
And one man in his time plays many parts,
His acts being seven ages.”
—William Shakespeare, As You Like It
As long as people have been tracing the paths of human existence, they’ve noticed that our lives go through a series of distinct, predictable stages. Shakespeare wrote of seven: infant, schoolboy, lover, soldier, judge, old age and second childishness. Other versions, like the Hindu Ashramas or Erik Erikson’s stages of psychosocial development, include more or fewer steps, but the similarities between them are remarkable. In each case, they speak to a fundamental truth about human development: over the course of our lives, we go through not one identity but many, each with its own set of challenges, tasks and discoveries.
Adolescence is all about individuation and identity. This is followed by a call to take that newfound identity into the world, and to strike out on our own. In these early stages, we form a sense of who we are, both as individuals and as actors in a larger arena.
The middle stages of life are about gaining connection and influence in the world. We become generative--starting families and careers, and acquiring both the skills and the resources to build our lives.
The third act of life ushers in the decline of our physical strength and beauty. However, it also provides a chance to experience levels of connection, wisdom and spiritual growth that weren’t available to us in the hustle and bustle of our middle years.
As one life arc reaches its natural end, we reach a pivotal moment when the trajectory of the next arc is defined. You can think of it as the end of a journey, where the train you’ve been on comes to a stop at an unfamiliar station. You have three choices. You can get back on the same train you’ve been on and hope that it turns around and takes you back where you came from. You can jump on the train that’s about to leave from the other platform, and hope that it takes you to the right place. Or, you can take a deep breath, look for a schedule or a map, ask someone for help, and decide where you really want to go.
The most obvious of these turning points is the so-called “midlife crisis.” This is the moment when the family and career-building arcs of our middle years begin to wind down, and our main sources of status and influence (strength, beauty, parenthood, career advancement) are in danger of fading away. The reason we see this as a crisis is that the changes involved are large, and the uncertainty that follows is scary. Often, people either cling desperately to their previous identity (getting back on the train that brought them there), or seize the next one that comes along, if only to make the uncertainty go away (jumping on any train that’s about to leave the station).
The key to successfully navigating midlife, or any big turning point, is to take a breath and make a plan. Find a map and a schedule. Ask for help from someone who’s been there before. Resist the temptation to cling to the past or jump blindly into the future.
The Chinese symbol for “crisis” is made up of two characters that are loosely translated as “danger” and “opportunity.” Every turning point contains the seeds of both.
