How Annoying

My sweetheart’s mother is English, and she likes to say that the only emotion Brits allow themselves is irritation. But that’s true of most of us, isn’t it? Irritation, annoyance, peevishness--maybe if we’re really provoked, anger. Day in and day out, those are the most visible emotions on display. They fuel social media, they fill our political discourse, and they ricochet around inside our cars when someone cuts us off in traffic. There’s a reason those emotions are the ones we see first. As unpleasant as they are, for ourselves and everyone around us, they’re safe.

When we’re annoyed or irritated at someone, we get to disown the emotion we’re feeling. It doesn’t really belong to us. It’s an unsolicited gift that some jackass left on our doorstep, so we can shake it up, open the can and spray it all over the place without taking any responsibility. Unfortunately, that’s just a story we tell ourselves.

More often than not, those hostile, guarded emotions are a form of armor that hides the more vulnerable emotions underneath. Show me someone who’s lashing out at others, and I’ll show you someone who’s desperately trying to hide their grief, their disappointment, their fear or their shame. Those are the vulnerable emotions--the ones that peel open our chests and leave our beating hearts exposed for everyone to see. 

The next time you or someone near you is irritated, angry or annoyed, take a moment to check under the hood. Try to see the real suffering that’s just below the surface. An attack usually provokes a counterattack, but human suffering triggers compassion. Sometimes we get to choose which one we share, and which one we see.