Polymonogamy

People talk a lot about personal growth--so much so that it’s become a cliché. But why don’t people talk about relational growth?

Think about it. Two people are supposed to grow and change and evolve, yet somehow their relationship is supposed to remain intact? Doesn’t that mean the relationship has to change, too? If it doesn’t, won’t that stunt the growth of the people in it?

It’s a lot harder than it sounds to let your partner and your relationship grow. We have so much nostalgia for the heady, early intoxication at the start of a romance. But “We’ll always have Paris” isn’t a viable plan for staying together in Iowa City. We are so frightened that we’ll lose the magic we had, we try to carry it with us into the future, and it weighs us down.

To stay with someone over the long haul, you have to embrace each new person they become. That means, you have to get to know that person, and learn to love them as much as the people they used to be. It’s like polyamory with just one person. It takes a leap of faith, and it’s scary each time you do it, but it opens up the possibility of falling in love again and again. And really, what’s the alternative?

In Annie Hall, Woody Allen’s character says that relationships are like sharks--once they stop moving forward, they die. 

I’d say they’re  also like rabbits. If you give them the chance, they’ll keep making new ones.