The Case for Navel Gazing

I’ve heard it said that there are two kinds of people: those who already have a coach and those who don’t think they need one. Putting aside, for a moment, how ominous that sounds for my current business model, let’s talk about why people don’t always ask for help. Here are some common reasons:

1. “I already know what I have to do, I just need to get myself to go do it.”  

But isn’t that kind of the point? If we already knew what we had to do, wouldn’t we have done it long ago? People get stuck in the mud all the time. We keep spinning our wheels doing the same things in the same ways, and we sink in deeper and deeper.  Sometimes we need someone else to help us push, and maybe turn the steering wheel.

2. “I don’t want to answer an endless bunch of nosy questions. I just need someone to give me some answers.”  

No one has a bag full of solutions that they can reach into to solve your problems. No one, that is, except for you. The problem is, that bag isn’t sitting out on your coffee table. It’s locked away behind door after door of coping devices, old habits and unresolved fears. You won’t get past those doors without the right keys, and those keys often come in the form of the right questions. If you can’t find them, maybe someone else can.

3. “I don’t see the point in all that self-absorbed navel gazing. People should just get over themselves, already. It’s not all about me.”  

This one is tricky, because it’s a wolf in sheep’s clothing. If you think that living an unexamined life is unselfish, think again. The times we hurt others most are when our old wounds flare up, and our pain overflows onto innocent bystanders. Most of us will never get rid of our neuroses entirely--they’re part of who we are, for better or worse. What we can do is get to know them better, and learn to recognize and manage them before they do too much harm. A little navel gazing can help with that, especially if you do it with someone who’s seen their share of innies and outies.